I recently called out a group of people that were genuinely horrendous at disability inclusion. Everything from not quite being able to grasp the meaning of the word “flat” to comments that are best described as actionable to a massive over reliance on the “I just didn’t think” excuse.
It was freaking hard to speak up but I’m glad I did. Promises were made about changes that could be made. If I’m honest I was lukewarm on believing that a change was a coming?
My skepticism was confirmed after someone didn’t take the words “upstairs at the ….” To mean it might be upstairs and therefore not accessible, mere weeks after the commitment to change was made.
But a little time has passed now and I’m noticing things are changing. There’s more consideration and more … more of an attempt to actually solve a problem.
Which you’d THINK would be a good thing, but it’s making me uncomfortable. Why ? I think it’s because when everything was screwed I could check out with a clear conscious. Not answer the phone, not respond to the message, not engage! You can’t lose if you don’t play!
It’s massively appealing to stay checked out. Sure, things aren’t great when I’m self isolating but I’m surviving fine and I will take not great over feeling emotionally destroyed after every interaction.
I’m not going to lie to you and say I saw the light and have decided to trust and put myself out there because that’s gonna help no one.
What I do believe is that the longer I chose not to play … the harder it’ll be to get back in the game. And the more I don’t play the lower the quality of life associated with the phrase “not great”. So it’s pretty much a daily challenge for me, choosing vulnerable over safe . Safe is freaking appealing… because I’m wrapping myself up in cotton wool where no one can hurt me … but safe also means increasing isolation… not having bad feels but also not having the good ones.
But yeah it’s a daily struggle to just keep reminding myself safe sounds good… but probably won’t live up to und hype?